Have The Relationship You WANT

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When my daughter was small, Thanksgiving at school was about the Native American experience, about the Pilgrims, and about all the conflicting stories of that time. With just a tiny bit of research, I’ve found Thanksgiving to be a very, very old tradition, a celebration of the Harvest, and much more applicable to what we feel and celebrate now than simply the honoring of that brief moment of peace in the not always peaceful, or honorable early days of America.

So, I want to give my deep Thanks for, and my deep belief in the brilliance and beauty of everything that is or ever was, no matter what.

I give more than Thanks.  I’m deeply Grateful to everyone and everything in my world, before and now. I’m even thankful and grateful for my mistakes, my missteps, my moments of not knowing.

Though I can’t undo the fabric of what’s past, that fabric of my life now spreads out as an infinite number of beautiful threads that can be woven together in infinitely beautiful ways.  I’m all one thing.  A work of art in progress - and so are you.

Here’s a lovely piece by my friend, Joyce Kenyon, who’s a healing master - you can find her at www.radiant-healinghands.com - and I’m going to work with it myself this week:

“We sometimes think that we can only be grateful for the things we want or like. The beauty is that we can be in Gratitude for everything.

Gratitude is one of the most joyous and constant gifts we can give ourselves and others.

And it doesn’t require any special circumstances.

You can have gratitude during the whole time you’re driving your car: (in LA that’s a lot of time!)
- Have gratitude for every green light and through street to speed you on your way
- have gratitude for every red light and stop sign, to remind you to stop - take a deep breath - and just relax and be Present.
- And in between - to have gratitude for even having a car to drive.

After a while, you’re having so much fun, you’re in Gratitude for having gratitude!”

I’m grateful for you. Let me know how you’re doing.

Love, Rori

This is in answer to a comment by sifsgoldwig - (here’s the comment->) after a break up, and I thought my comment might help you, too:

I thank you, sifsgoldwig, for your heartfelt story and the great questions it brings up.  I can’t help you specifically to understand this situation - because spending ANY time, energy or heart at all in trying to figure out WHY a man does something is wasteful and useless, and will bring down your self-esteem and get you stuck in your brain, trying to “solve” problems instead of feel your way through things.

The bottom line all comes to ATTRACTION. A man who is “toxic” or immature, or in any way simply incapable of building the “muscle” necessary for being in a close, intimate relationship with a woman CANNOT be “fixed” by WILLING him, requesting him, or trying to “teach” him.

Attraction is a combination of YOUR inner strength, boundaries, and sense of SAFETY with yourself, physical and emotional chemistry which is completely beyond your control, and your ability to be open, vulnerable, in touch with and aware of yourself and your emotions, and the depth and clarity of how you express and share yourself with a man.

Once all that is in play, a relationship evolves and expands through how you both experience moments between you, and depends completely on the capacities of each of you to KEEP evolving, expanding and connecting with each other.

At any time, a man may walk away because he just can’t move forward.  He either can’t, or he doesn’t want to.  And the only way his reasons can be useful to know is how knowing those reasons can improve YOUR ability to evolve, expand, have boundaries and yet be soft and open - for the next, much better man who will show up.That’s why it’s so important to not concern yourself with HIS issues - but only to keep working on your own.

You didn’t “lose him” by telling him how you felt.  There are many, many more things going on here, and I hope my step-by-step processes shine light on those for you and help you go to a new place where everything will be much easier and more fulfilling.

Love, Rori