Are You Pushing Him Away? How to Bring Him Back

Kelly wrote me this question:

Rori, help – I’m so insecure! I’m a mess sometimes, and sometimes I get upset and get mad at him, and that just sends him away! What can I do to get him back?”

This is about “Pushing a man away.”

It happens when we get into our “masculine” mode of handling and managing and dealing with our feelings. We bottle them, filter them, judge them – and then, because this is the ONLY possible outcome of all that stifling and adjusting – we blow.

We end up spewing.

The most awful thing about this isn’t the result of driving everyone around us away.

It’s the confusion we feel when it’s over.

In a way, we feel relief that the cork finally flew off our charged-up bottle of fizzy feelings, butthen we feel dread, fear, terror and want to throw up.

We feel this way because we finally, after it’s over, realize there was another person – him – at the other end of our spew.

We realize that the spewing was all about us, had little to do with him – and that he was not (is anyone?) capable of hearing your spewed emotions and words without defending himself – however he defends himself.

It’s really hard.

Kelly, you feel that you lost a man you adore because your insecure feelings, which caused a bad display of behavior for not getting “your way” – and that you messed up.

So – First thing here, I’m going to ask you to not just “forgive yourself.”

You absolutely have no choice on the forgiveness thing.

Without an end to the judgment we continue to spew all over ourselves when ever we think we’ve messed up – we just continue to do the same things to ourselves inside that caused the spewing to happen in the first place.

If you find yourself “spewing” all over yourself and all over a man, too, because you are – and SO righteously!!!, ANGRY – try learning how to get off the Anger Train and onto the Love Train on Siren Island->

You’ll be personally coached in the Siren Island private Facebook group by brilliant, successful Rori Raye coaches and me, too, nearly 24/7, to turn your anger into words a man can actually HEAR – and that will bring him closer emotionally.

If you’re like me, you were brought up in a household where beating yourself over the head was the “cure.”

That’s how so many of us women were brought up.

Instead of beating yourself up, you’re going to have to go:

“Yeah, I felt insecure.

Yeah, I felt insecure, and I don’t know why and it’s not important why I felt that, and that I got upset and I got angry and I acted in attack mode and I screamed and I yelled – and that isn’t why I lost him.

I didn’t mess anything up.

I don’t even know what happened.

I love my insecure feelings…I love you, insecure feelings…”

You really don’t.

We really do not know in the end the “why” of why anything happened.

My husband said to me once, when I confessed by fear of confessing my feelings, “There is nothing you could do that would make me even consider leaving you.”

Screaming, yelling, even betraying him.

He would not consider it.

I’m it, he said.

Maybe with this man, you gave him a good reason to go bye-bye because you needed to get rid of him.

We do not know why, but the first thing you have to do is stop beating yourself up and start having compassion for yourself and forgiveness for yourself.

Just Slather Love over your past and everything that has ever happened.

I know it’s easy to say: “Just love yourself…” so don’t ever try to do all that! Just take a minute and literally, physically pretend to Slather Love, like it’s butter or lotion, all over yourself and your past.

Just do that. See how it feels.

Love, Rori

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