Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse

How can you move forward in your life without “letting go”?

Without “Letting Go” of a man, a job, an experience, a client, money, a friendship?

“And – without “resolve.”

The idea of “resolution” is the same as what I call “closure” – and you know I don’t believe in closure.

This is the shocking, provoking part of what I say around this kind of thing:

Don’t even TRY to IMAGINE closure.  Forget closure.  Forget resolution.  Forget tying things up in a nice bundle, all knots untied, everything smoothed out.

This is just not part of having a real, PASSIONATE life.

Needing closure is something we women have absolutely been trained for.

We are perfectionist in many ways, managing things…

And so much of that comes from our histories – the need to cook, watch the fire, listen for the baby, and ward off intruders all at the same time.

Here’s where the new 4-Week Rori Raye Live Coaching program – “Sirenity” – comes in for you…to turn around all the old patterns, all the things you’ve been told your whole life are important in a man or a relationship, all the things you’ve been told and practiced your whole life that have never, ever, and will never work – and create, instead, in only 4 weeks, an entirely new way of being with totally new results!

Go here to grab one of the last spaces in the 4-week, 6-women ONLY Sirenity class beginning Tuesday (including nearly 24/7 Voxer voice and text coaching!), October 22nd:

https://www.coachrori.com/sirenity/

This need for “closure” is, I believe – at the bottom of all our womanly stress.

And, I also say, forget about the whole concept of “letting go.”  It’s just not a viable image.

For me – the idea is to keep moving down your own road, stick on your path, stay with your horse, keep moving, expanding, breathing, going deeper and deeper into your feelings and your life, becoming more and more passionate about life itself – and just not allowing ANYTHING to distract you.

Not allowing anything to “capture” you and throw you off balance and off course.

Let’s use an example we all can identify with – in the love and relationship realm (it’s absolutely the same thing in the “work” realm – but let’s use this “relationship” example because it feels so much more personal and emotional):

You can take a memory of a man with you down your road. 

You can dream about him when you sleep.  You can take from what you had with him that makes you feel good and helps you understand yourself, that helps you process and expand.

To do this – you DON’T NEED HIM TO BE AROUND IN REAL LIFE.

I’m going to say that again.

Once a man has outlived his usefulness in his concrete, human form – once his presence makes you go backwards and into your head and out of your body and feeling not good about yourself – you don’t want him around.  Period.  You’re done.  He’s history.

But that doesn’t mean he’s left the planet, or left your psyche.

  • He might still be in your rock band, or in your theater company, or at your yoga class, or sweating next to you at your gym, or sitting next to you at your work.
  • He might be the father of your children.
  • He might be a superstar you see on billboards and hear about from friends and strangers every day.
  • He could be your lawyer, or your coach, or your childrens’ friends’ father.

It doesn’t mean he has nothing to offer you – even if it’s only a reminder of what you DON’T want.

And it doesn’t mean you have to be especially nice to him, or welcoming, or reasonable.

And it doesn’t mean you have to notice him much, or think about him, or wonder about him, or talk about him.

It just means he’s there.  He still lives and breathes.

It’s not about “reality.”  It’s about “energy.”

And this isn’t hocus-pocus or magic, because it’s not about HIS energy – it’s about YOURS.

The simple truth is – if you stop FIGHTING your feelings for him, stop fighting the pull you feel toward him, stop fighting your thoughts about him – and simply REFOCUS your mind, body and heart around something NEW – something that FEELS GOOD, something that feels MEANINGFUL to you! – it will overpower the energy you’re showering on this undeserving man.

So – instead of rituals and symbolic acts to LET GO of him (because then it’s STILL all about HIM…) what we need here are rituals and symbolic acts to hang onto, hold onto, embrace, worship and adore OURSELVES.

The result we’re going for is not to free HIM – but to free US.

Can you imagine what that would look like and feel like?

What would it look like and feel like to feel free as a bird around your thoughts and feelings about a man?  To be able to do what makes you happy even though thoughts of him and about him continue to intrude?

I guarantee you that if you find things to immerse yourself in – things that capture your attention in a wonderful, fulfilling and satisfying way…they will way outshine any man’s old, worn-out pull on you.

Your light will expose the shabbiness of the man, the obsolescence of him.

You’ll start to feel this:  “Done.”

It’s not about “over.”  It’s not about “forgetting.”  It’s not about “Letting Go” so you “don’t” have a mental, physical or emotional experience around him when he isn’t actually there.  It’s about just getting so passionate about yourself and what you love in life that you become bored by him.

Most of the time, a man, a job, a client, a situation, an experience that doesn’t feel good for us came into our lives for one reason:  We invited him – or “it” – in as a “do-over.”

  • It could be a do-over of our childhoods, when the only way we could get love and attention, acknowledgment and affection, approval and rewards (money, anyone?) was by working our butts off.
  • It could be a do-over of a trauma where we felt helpless to take care of ourselves.
  • It could be a do-over of a mistake that feels desperately like it needs “closure” and “mastery.”

Forget about all that.

Instead – focus on being kind to yourself.  Focus on what you like.  On what makes you feel good.  Do that.  Think that. Take yourself there.

Say to yourself: “Even though I feel attached to this man, this circumstance, this job, this vacation,  this client, this customer, this coworker, this boss – and even though I feel drawn to have closure with him, her, or the experience – I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.”

Then get back on your horse and ridewith him, them, the job, the experience, or without him, them, the job or the experience – whether they’re all hanging onto the saddle, gripping you for dear life, or trying to get you to stop and let them on, or whether you’re holding them all with one hand behind you as you ride on.

The important thing is NOT what HE, THEM, or “IT” is doing, or where any of THEM are.

The important thing is that YOU are RIDING ON!!!

To learn new Tools, to be personally coached live in the 6-women only Sirenity group for 4 weeks by brilliant coaches Natalina Love, Mariah Grey,  Naomie Thompson and Teresa Clement (incudes 24/7 Vice messaging Voxer coaching!) – join us here->

https://www.coachrori.com/sirenity/

Here’s what a current Siren School student has to say about how Sirenity works, just to give you an idea of the power of the class:

“OMG, Rori…All the money I wasted on therapists, getting a bachelor’s degree in behavioral science, endless 12 step meetings of every kind.  And then this curly headed woman (you) comes along and changes my life.  Ok, i’m getting mushy again, but this is so real, and the best part…no playing games.   Holy crap is all I can say…

Love, Rori

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