Your "Finally Breakthrough To Him" Step-By-Step Written Instructions and Video:

How do you get through to a man who feels like a wall, when...'re already so involved with him that you don't want to leave? don't want to try to talk to him about changing things one more time. don't want to start a fight, or get pulled into a fight by him, one more time. don't want to just let things "go" anymore. want to connect, to feel loved, to feel heard?

The truth is, it's actually a lot easier than we've been taught...

...and it's actually a lot easier than it feels!

All you have to do, really, is just stand there!

It's a whole different experience to just stand there and fully, emotionally take a man in, than it is to shut yourself down, thinking about all the problems going on.

So it's essentially getting out of your head, and into your body.

Into your emotions.

Now - if you can both be in your emotions, and at the same time: open up your whole body, your whole heart, your whole mind, and simply hear him, see him, feel him as you stand there - that's when things turn amazing!

1. Start Simple:

*Perhaps he's standing there doing something in the kitchen.

*Or he's sitting there watching sports.

*Or he's at his own place, or another place, or at work, and you haven't heard from him, you can take him in kind of experientially.

*You can pretend he's standing there, or you likely can just feel him standing there.

2. Now: check out your body from the inside out, and the outside in....

*Check in with your own Soup of feelings.

See if you can just be there with him.

*Hear him.

*Imagine that you can actually hear what he's saying.

*Even if he isn't speaking, that you can hear what he's thinking.

*That you can feel what he's wanting.

*You can just nod your head, listen to Him, and be there.

*You can do this simply, and without wondering what you're going to say next, or how you're going to get across what it is you need to get across to him.

3. Now, if he's really there, and he's talking, see if you can just stand there and hear him without planning what you're going to say next.

This takes all the defensiveness out of him, it takes all of the reactivity away from the situation, takes all the anxiety, and all the instinctive need to "react" and "do" something out of your own nervous system.

Instead, you'll just hear him, feel him, let it sink in and let yourself feel it - yes, even if it feels horrible in the moment.

4. And then when he says something, you'll get your clue for what you want to say: Scripts!:

You'll know what it is that you want to say once you hear the end of what he's trying to get across to you.

He'll probably look at you and go, yeah, what?

And then you can just say, Wow, that felt extraordinary, if he told you about a nice thing that happened - or Wow, I'm so sorry. That sounds awful if he told you about a horrible thing, or Well, I really hear what you're saying if he's complaining about you or something else.

In other words, this is NOT "active feedback" in that old style, like: yes, I heard you saying that. Blah, blah, blah.

No, you're just saying, I really felt what you just said. I really felt that experience.

What you're doing is expressing that you not only really heard him - you got him. You felt what he was wanting to express to you!

5. Okay, now next, it could get more complicated:

It could get to:  I hear how angry you are.

If he's yelling: I hear how difficult this is, wow, I hear how horrible that is.

And you will not solve it for him!

*That's Overfunctioning, and it won't do you any good!

*You won't comment, you won't analyze, you won't feed your thoughts back to him, you won't tell our own story or experience, you won't offer ANYTHING!

You're just going to hear him, and let him know you've heard and felt him by simply paying attention.

If it feels right, you can nod your head, and if replying in words feels important, you can use the Scripts above.

And then you're going to see what he does!

6. Now if he starts talking again, bingo, you've just pulled his energy toward you! Yayy!!

He now wants to talk more.

And if he just talks and wanders all over the place, don't move around with him!

Don't try to be where he is, or leave or do something else.

Just stay where you are. Planted.

Stay in your seat in the restaurant, or your spot in the kitchen or the bedroom - do nothing.

Sooner or later, he's going to "get" that you're listening to him.

*He'll realize he's safe with you.

*That he's being heard.

*He'll realize all he has to do is stay where you are instead of continually run away from you!

*He's going to face you and he's going to keep wanting to interact with you.

*If you can give him the space and the feeling of safety he needs to face you directly - you'll have completely changed the dynamic of your date, your first meeting, your relationship, your marriage, your physical experience together.

7. You also may feel especially angry doing this because you'll feel he doesn't deserve it.

Well, that's why you have to go first!

Somebody has to open the doors, right?

*Everybody's shut down.

*Everybody's angry.

*Everybody's angry and frightened about the shutdown.

*Everybody's disappointed.

You want to be opening those doors!

*So open the door of your heart, let him talk, and hear him.

*And if he doesn't say anything, imagine what he's saying.

*Just imagine it and hear him.

*He will talk to you again. *He will call you. *He will text you.

*He will want to speak with you in the house because you didn't come after him or try to make a connection!

All you "did" was just hear him.

This is one really powerful way to be in your powerful Feminine Energy, right?

*You hear him even if he's not talking.

*You can take in everything he's saying, even if it's angry and unpleasant.

Wow, hmm.

Try this the next time you feel frustrated, upset, and want to shutdown - and see how magically things can change in just one moment!

If you have an immediate situation you'd like some quick advice around - please just let me know here, and you'll get an answer right away:  

Love, Rori

Facetune - 2021-08-08T160909.282