How To Circular Date Even When You’re Exclusive With Him

If you’ve become “exclusive” with a man before the ring is on your finger and the wedding date is set – how do you handle the ups and downs and insecurities and weirdnesses that come up?

How do you handle the very things my Circular Dating Tools are meant to help you avoid?

There’s a firm line between “dating” and “not dating.”

But Circular Dating embraces a much “grayer” area: How you “relate” to all men, everywhere – even though you’re technically “exclusive” with one man.

Circular Dating, of all my Tools, is one of the top TWO most important (the other is Feeling Messages…) – and yet, it’s the one that every single woman I talk to is uncomfortable with.

This has so much to do with the “goin’ steady” thing we’ve all grown up with – AND, Circular Dating isn’t really about “dating” at all!

There are so many facets to Circular Dating – but the most important part is how  it “fills up your emotional tank” by getting you interacting with other people in ways that fill YOU up, rather than drain you.

* Ways that give energy TO you, instead of taking it away.

* Ways that make you feel appreciated, beautiful, attractive, desireable, smart, funny, charming and just…adorable!

If you’re avoiding Circular Dating because it seems way too stressful (it’s NOT!) Siren Circle is where you’ll discover how incredibly GREAT Circular Dating feels. 

It loosens up the fear of “betraying” a man that causes us to shut down – and it keeps us sane and “cool.”

Go here to try a month of Siren Circle live coaching with brilliant coaches giving you one-on-one attention: https://coachrori.com/siren-school-siren-circle/ 

In this modern world, there are men everywhere.  Once we get into the habit of “shutting down,” “playing-close-to-the-vest,” being NOT-vulnerable – instead of open and available 100% of the time – it can get harder and harder for us to open up 9ur hearts when we WANT to!

Here’s a letter from “Jacqueline” – and my answer will help you turn that black-and-white way of looking at Circular Dating into something much better-feeling and more helpful:

“Dear Rori,

…since we’ve been dating for 8 months and have had marriage, kids, etc on the table as well as our timelines (he told me his timeline for marriage and kids is 6 months later than mine). we have a great relationship…I see myself with him in the future. I love him and he loves me.

My question with exclusivity: I accepted his third request for exclusivity after our talk about it and my agreement of terms. However, after hearing your program, I feel like I should date other people.

I do, however, think this would be painful to him. He’s done everything to show me he is invested and loves me (meeting my family several times and me meeting his). I would think he would want to break up if I said I wanted to date other people…..since he’s been a great man to me.

What if when I say to him, ‘you can take all the time you need, I don’t want to put pressure on you or on the relationship…I’m just not willing to shut my options down right now…’ that he’ll say, ‘Well, I want to be with someone who will be true to me and us. I want to know you have the ability to be faithful to me down the road. And this dating other people shows me you can’t be and that you might cheat on me in the future.’

Then what? Thank you. J”

Here’s My Answer:

First, this fellow seems like a good guy (BRAVA to YOU!!), and at some point in every relationship that feels good – you have to close down your actual dating options.  Yes, you have to make the decision to not give out your number, not stay active on dating apps, not accept coffee dates or dinners. This is “dating” exclusivity – and is a very big deal!

And –

Second, it does NOT shut down “Circular Dating”!

How is this possible?

Because: You can Circular Date without actually “dating” anyone!

Just allowing men to gravitate to you, to physically come up to you and talk with you is a Circular Date.

What makes this kind of Circular Date SO important – literally CRUCIAL to the success of the exclusive relationship you have –  is that it’s therapeutic.  It’s Free Therapy. Its non-stop, free practice using the Modern Siren Tools!

Inside your relationship – everything can feel very “high stakes.”

You may feel afraid to really try a new Tool or a bold Feeling Message with a man you love – yet, with a man you don’t have any investment in (a man who’s perhaps just begun a conversation with you at church, or at the market, or a club or political meeting…) – you may feel freer to try something new!

This way, you develop skills and shift your vibe so it all feels more natural when you’re with your exclusive man.

You get a chance to experience being truly open – mentally, emotionally, physically – to the whole world.

It gives you confidence.

It keeps you strong when all the reasons to feel insecure come out of nowhere. It keeps you having fun – no matter where you are – so you don’t feel restricted and resentful.

It keeps you from feeling isolated.  And, the amazing thing is –

He can FEEL it.  He can feel that being with him isn’t affecting your confidence.  You bring interesting experiences to conversations. You have a LIFE!

You get your emotional tank filled up out in the world so you don’t have to depend on him for reassurance. You don’t have to be asking him “where things are going” from a “needy” place.

What if you’re in the same situation as Jacqueline –

– Only your man isn’t quite all that sure of long-term commitment?

What if he’s pressing you to be his “girlfriend” – yet, he “doesn’t know where this is going….”

What if you’re feeling pretty sure you need to keep Circular Dating in an actual “Dating” way?  (That I would tell you, if you and I had a personal session, to not actually shut down your “dating”options? That I’d suggest you say YES to dates, to dinners, to coffees, to giving out your phone number, yet, perhaps YES, also, to going “inactive” on dating apps. There are lots of combinations involved with actual “dating” you can decide on.)

This means the “No Girlfriend Speech” – just as Jacqueline said it: “I love how it feels to be with you, and you can take all the time you need, I don’t want to put pressure on you or on the relationship…I’m just not willing to shut my options down until you know exactly what you want with me…’

In other words, something like: “I’m ready to be engaged, so, until you feel the same, I’d feel better calling engagement the “exclusivity” agreement.”  Or  perhaps living together might be the only glue you need to feel to accept excusivity.

All of this is so personal, so unique to you, your personality, your needs, and the situation you’re in. It depends so much on the man, what he’s like, and how he’s being with you.

To get this kind of personal solution, you need personal coaching. A coach who’s gifted and smart and really “gets” you – who can spot what’s going on right away between you and a man. Who can then help you find, say and do what’s really in your heart – and express it in a way a man would LOVE to hear!

Get what you need from a coach here on Siren Circle: https://coachrori.com/siren-school-siren-circle/

In my next newsletter, I’ll talk more about how to actually DATE when Circular Dating, even if you’re “dating” a man.

I cannot tell you how many sad stories I hear from women who’ve dated one man exclusively, watched their self-esteem crumble over time, and then were told, even a year into the relationship, that he “wasn’t ready” or “it wasn’t right” or the old “it’s me, not you…”

Circular Dating is so important for your sanity, your vibe, your heart, your confidence, and – Common Sense!

Learn how to “Keep your ‘Dance Card’ and your ‘Emotional Tank’ FULL…no matter what…”

Love, Rori

 

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Rori Raye