We are all always in process of either understanding ourselves and knowing ourselves MORE – or working hard to AVOID understanding and knowing ourselves.
The more we avoid, the more we reduce our ability to feel, experience, and get close to a man.
Anger is much easier for a man. It’s the antidote to fear and emotional pain, and is historically more acceptable in a man.
We women are supposed to be “sugar and spice and everything nice…”
And yet – around a woman – a man is supposed to be “reigned in” – where we women are allowed culturally to cry (though most of us have experienced the reverse – of NOT being allowed to cry, to be “weak,” in our families).
So – we women have been seriously shut down, as have men.
And here is where we’re all in danger: As men are evolving into feeling beings right in front of our eyes – we women are moving backwards, into a model where we do not Feel at all – and when we do – we instantly tense up against and regret having felt it.
When this happens, Anger takes on more than its share. It rises up against the person or the experience that Triggered it. It becomes protection on the OUTSIDE, instead of what it truly is – your body’s sacred and powerful marshaling of its life force to keep you from despair.
And here’s where you become a “Warrior Woman “- with the brand new, one-time-only From Anger to Love Masterclass – live with Rori Raye! Just go here to work with me on Sunday, June 2nd, learn a whole new way to deal with the amazing force of RAGE – and use it to motivate a man to WANT to get closer to you… https://www.coachrori.com/from-anger-to-love/
We’re supposed to be well-modulated. We’re supposed to not let anger out, nor tears. We’re moving into “women of the brain” even while men are allowed to become more touchy-feely.
We have to stop this. Let’s all get off this train together. We can start with this powerful emotion – Anger.
A man named Matt came to my blog and left a comment, where he said, “It’s very hard to love when angry.”
Let’s flip that one around to – “It’s very hard to love WITHOUT anger.”
In other words, if anger is a human emotion, and it’s a reaction to hurt, pain, disappointment and fear – if it’s a powerful energy that can be used for GOOD in this world – then DENYING it, shoving it aside, deriding it, making it a not-good thing is like cutting off your hand. It makes you less whole. It makes you not whole.
Loving your anger creates the possibility of loving WHEN angry. This creates the possibility of loving someone ELSE’S anger. This enables a soft blanket of Safety to envelop the relationship.
So that, instead of seeing your man (or woman’s) anger as “in-the-way-of-love” – you see it as a step TOWARD love.
The anger itself is golden, is merely a feeling, energy to be embraced and freed and used – the question is – always WHAT TO DO WITH IT…
Now – the question is: What do I do with my anger?
And the answer is simple – it’s YOUR anger. It belongs to you. You OWN it.
That means you can feel that anger, take it’s pulse, it’s energy, use it as fuel…and then – get OFF that “Anger Train” and onto the “Love Train,” with your whole self intact, and the energy of the anger fueling your love.
If you will allow yourself to experience it – no matter how irrational it seems to you – as RIGHTEOUS – perhaps not in the setting of reality or what’s really going on, but in the setting of your internal workings and triggerings – and honor it anyway…you’ll find new ways to experience it and to talk about it.
There’s nothing so powerful in a relationship as anger expressed as love.
“I SHARE this with you, and I know that it belongs to me, it’s MY feeling, it’s part of MY system, and that because we are close, I’ve been triggered, and that – most importantly – my healing and the depth of our relationship depends on my willingness to love my anger, and not throw it out of my body and onto YOU.”
Now – can you see that if you experience your anger as love – as yourself rising up powerfully from a lower energy feeling like sadness or numbness – as a rescue move from yourself to yourself – that it’s easier to separate it out from the person who triggered it?
If you can try this – just see if you can catch it here the next time you feel angry – you can feel the protectiveness going on inside you, experience that as love, and then MOVE THROUGH IT.
I’ll bet you’ll start to catch the pattern earlier and earlier, and move through it into almost a humorous place (see if you find yourself giggling).
Now – who wouldn’t find that charming? No one. Every one, every man would find that charming.
A woman with a temper who doesn’t throw it at a man, who just experiences it and moves the energy into a new place. Sexy as all hell.
Start by “Seeing It.”
This means – See where you’re at, what’s going on with you, with your body, your heart, your mind, AND – See what’s going on BETWEEN you and HIM!
See what’s going on with HIM (it’s not about guessing or analyzing, it’s about becoming intuitive and sensitve so you can pick up when HE’s afraid…When he’s feeling unsafe, and so lashing out. When he’s trying to get your attention by doing things that trigger you – just like a puppy.
We’ll be working on a great many things this first week – buckle up!
Start by asking yourself these questions:
1. How do I know I’m angry? What do I experience? (Really delve into detail…it’ll help you recognize it sooner next time.
2. What do you do when you first notice you feel angry?
3. What is a man usually doing that makes you feel angry?
4. Do you feel other feelings? Hurt, sorrow, abandonment, frustration….Is that coming from the EFFORT you’re putting out toward him?
5. What are some of the ways you handle your anger? What do you do, what do you say…
6. How do the things you do and say when you feel angry make you feel? Do you just smile and prtend everything’s okay? How does that feel/ Do you say something snarky, or bark out an order, or lay blame on him or on yourself? How does that feel?
In the From Anger to Love Masterclass on Sunday, we’ll go over the “10 Steps” to channel your righteous rage as pure energy that will deepen your relationship (even on a first meeting), instead of damage it.
Men are funny and interesting. A man will naturally be terrified of anger-as-he-knows-it, terrified of arguments and fights – yet, he’s turned on by the ENERGY of a woman’s anger – as long as it’s not directed at him !
He experiences it as “Passion”! He experiences it as your “fieryness,” “spunkiness,” “feisty girlness,” and all kinds of ways he refers to a woman with “passionate energy.”
And this only partly explains the phenomenon of “make up sex…”
There’s an emotional component to his experience of your anger. If you share it with him in the right way, all of a sudden – he doesn’t feel so bad about himself! He doesn’t feel like a monster with his own rage. He sees you incredibly vulnerable, willing to lay it all out for him – and he feels exhilarated!
There’s an instant connection that happens. He can now see you as a partner to him, a partner who’s got his back, and has “gravity.”
It’s all in the way you choose to use your righteous rage.
Just go here to work with me on Sunday, June 2nd, learn a whole new way to deal with the amazing force of RAGE – and use it to motivate a man to WANT to get closer to you (and become a better man for you…) https://www.coachrori.com/from-anger-to-love/
See you there!