How To Get Unstuck in Love – Even If It Feels Scary!

If you’re feeling stuck in your love life, and along with the stuck feeling come “grumpy” and “icky” feelings – I know how that just makes you feel more stuck. And then it goes round-and-round.

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Try This To Unstick Yourself (it’s how I work through the “stuck…”):

I remember (and this still happens) that I start to notice feeling grumpy and complaining and unhappy – and then I notice that under those thoughts and feelings, I’m afraid.

I’m afraid of doing something different and a bit new and scary that would change the complaining, grumpy – yes – but replace the grumpy with outright fear.

And then, something shows up that appeals to me.

Someplace to go, something to do, something to say, someway to move.

Then I notice that this new impulse either feels in the same wheelhouse place as the complaining grumpy stuff (and then I know I’m just entertaining another “placeholder”) – or it shows up as a bit of a thrill.

When it shows up as a bit of a thrill – I follow it…and then, whatever happens, that original cycle of staying stuck is over.

Everything changes, because I have seen a way out.

Now – it’s up to me to choose which way to go when I first notice the grumpy feeling and the complaining thoughts.

Do I want to go down that grumpy route, or do I want to feel the fear and go through it?

Sometimes it feels like you’re all alone, in a vacuum, trying to change something that doesn’t want to be changed.

It feels like being “lost” – even though you know where you want to go.

It’s just that the clues aren’t there, the markers aren’t there, it’s hard to see “the way.” It’s hard to get past the boulders, the things that stop you and stick you, like goo.

It’s hard to navigate a “new space” that feels totally unfamiliar – which happens every single step of the way to where you want to go.

Sometimes we’ve even BEEN to that “new place” before.

We’ve been in love, we’ve had a great relationship, we’ve met a great man.

But the steps to “Happy Ever After” just get fuzzier.

The world changes right in front of us. We change in ways we don’t like. Society and its “rules” change.

Men seem to change in an ugly way – they don’t act like men anymore.

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Without feeling alone out there.

We’re here to guide you through “the woods,” and hold your hand every step of the way.

You can quickly learn to draw towards you the love and relationship you truly want – and to actually get what you want, no matter how unfamiliar and scary that “win” might feel.

(Yes, real love and intimacy can be very scary. That’s why most of us women unconsciously push it away and are then instinctively attracted to and attracting emotionally unavailable, difficult men…)

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You Can Unstick Yourself Without Going “Backward”

Now, as I make these choices around “staying stuck and yet feeling safe” or “going with the fear” – and most often land on the “fear” side (it feels like a much more peaceful place to be, despite the fear of even just allowing the fear to be felt) – the scary is becoming a little bit less scary, and the grumpy is a little bit less “simple.”

The grumpy starts to feel less worthwhile, and less easy.

It doesn’t have the old glamour it had, like a “secret” go-to place that was once old, familiar and seemingly “safe.”

Instead, it actually feels a little bit “old.”

A little boring and same-old-same-old.

Fear starts to feel now a bit like a door opening.

Perhaps it’s not fear, anyway – perhaps it’s excitement!

Yes! What if fear was just the “face” of all kinds of sensations and feelings that could actually be good-feeling?

Try saying this to yourself next time you’re faced with the choice between “stuck” and “scared,” and let me know how that feels to you.

Love, Rori


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