Stop “Tilling” Your Relationship

We women are so smart these days, so frustratingly needing to be in control of ourselves, our environment and our emotions, working as hard in our offices as our ancestors did on the land, and yet feeling an odd sense of dissatisfaction. As though it’s just not fulfilling.

And it’s hard to put your finger on it – until you look at your love life.

It’s like we were made to be on the receiving end of romance, affection, sexual energy, adoration and appreciation.

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We were meant to be invited to sit down, lay down, get comfy and do nothing while men simply take care of us.

We were designed for that – but we women have all been trained for the complete opposite.

Instead, we “till” the soil of love the way pioneer women “tilled” the soil of the land.

We believe in “producing” the way we produced children to “till” the land alongside us.

Only now, we use that “tilling” energy in the office, wrangling our children to and from soccer, gymnastics, playdates and school – and, unfortunately – in love.

There have ALWAYS been women – married women – who got no love.

Who married for convenience, for duty, and at the order of family.

All around the world, women are still considered chattel, property, and are not even allowed to be educated.

We here who have the luxury of having romantic love AND a roof over our heads and food to eat still can’t shake the old patterns of “how” we women are supposed to “be.”

Patterns, structures, systems that’ve been handed down to us through the ages.

And now, we’ve been trained to “work” like men – because that’s the only “model” anyone knows.

Now – because it seems that “equality” is “real” – and that men “expect” a more “equal distribution” of the effort of dating and relationships – we’ve learned only to apply the model of “tilling” to love.

And – it just doesn’t work that way.

No matter how hard civilization, society, community and culture have tried to take the “emotion” out of life AND relationship – we ALL know that’s not how it works.

To make it all even harder, we’ve also got the wrong-headed idea that “chemistry” is the answer to all this confusion.

Chemistry in the sexual, tingly, butterflies in the tummy sense.

And for that, we find ourselves with men who are toxic, confused, unhappy, “over the edge” (instead of appealingly “edgy”), and completely unable to be good “partners.”

Once we’ve glued onto “chemistry” as the way out of “tilling,” when that chemistry needs to morph into something deeper, like emotional intimacy and connection – and we’ve discovered the man we’ve glued ourselves to is unable (or unwilling) to go that deeper step – we feel forced to push that chemistry into relationship whether or not it’s possible.

We begin “tilling” the relationship – and not even getting past the weeds.

Well, the question you would ask me from this “Tilling” metaphor is: “Well, if I don’t “till” – how is he going to know what to do? How is he going to know I’m interested? How else can I bring him in if he’s “lost” out there?

Though the only answer is so obviously: “You can’t! Only HE can bring himself back in, and he has to WANT to!…”

…that can seem like a totally defeated, “give up” attitude.

Yet, it’s not!

Once you see that your job is not to “till” – but to INSPIRE – everything changes.

Once you see that your job is not to “decide” on one man and then “till” the soil for him – but to be so hugely inspirational to ALL men that the man who’s right for you will make a beeline toward you – everything gets easy, and loneliness just ends.

We both know that, though we think being “alone” feels lonely – it’s WAY more lonely being with a man who doesn’t care.

Here’s how to Stop Tilling and Start Harvesting…

The Stop Tilling Assignment

* Put down your hoe.

* Stop trying to break up the concrete, dirt, rocks and clay around a man’s love or neglect, no matter how many tears you’ve given it. No matter how many tears over how much time you’ve tried to soften it with..

* Stamp your foot on the ground, and feel it vibrate throughout the earth in all directions.

* Remember you’re a Siren. You can swim wide, dive deep, fly high, and encompass this Earth and all that there is…

* You don’t need a hammer and chisel to chip away at a man for love.

* Let him bring the watering can.

* That’s what a good man wants to do. Let him.

* Come join us on Siren Island, and learn how to inspire warmth, air, water and nurture for Love all through you, around you, and in any man with a watering can.

We’ll help you, step-by-step, and LIVE with personal coaching on Siren Island->

Love, Rori

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Rori Raye