The Highway Of Love

highway of loveI’m stuck again. Not sick, not tired, just going backwards in my mind.

A psychic practitioner stopped me at the end of a party yesterday, and told me I was about to have a detour. Today. I don’t quite remember the exact words she used, but it was something along the lines of “Right now you’re going down the 405, and you’re about to take a detour, and then you’ll have to decide what you want to do with your life.”

And then she disappeared.

Okay. So one part of me sees only possibilities in that scenario – Wow, choices, new things, new roads, new…. And then another part – Gremlin Voice soaked for sure – screams Other shoe dropping! Any minute now! Watch out for falling shoes! And I look around me, furtively, searching each car that passes by, each person who passes by, each word that passes by, for a clue. For a sign. For impending disaster.

I have three choices. One, I can call up this practitioner and ask for clarification. But, I realize, nothing she says will change the fact that I must make one of the other two choices.

Two, I can wallow in fear and try to be very careful and watchful and vigilant, analyze everything that shows up in my life at every minute, and forget I’m actually alive and living.

Three, I can choose the choice of possibilities. I can – regardless of what the psychic has seen or knows, regardless of what she says or what she thinks, or even more profoundly, regardless of what I think – see every car that passes by, every person who passes by, each word that passes by as a “detour” into a new possibility.

And, if I make choice Number Three, I’d better know what I’m getting myself into – this new possibility might lead to another detour, to another possibility, to another, and another, where the choices are endless.

Am I more afraid of being stuck or of getting lost?

Is it that I’m really so certain I can’t choose right every time, or, does it really matter if I choose right every time?

Lots of questions, and sometimes the answer is “I don’t know,” or “None of the Above.” So how do I know what to do and where to go and what to think? And how do I stop my mind from racing to fear instead of flowing to possibilities?

Well, first off, just because I investigate another road doesn’t mean I’ve left the Highway of Love. In fact, what if I’m not even on it at all!

What if, even though I think I’ve been on the Highway of Love all this time, I’m really only on a side road? What if I’m not even on a road? What if I’ve been going in circles?

So, what if I want to continue down this so-called detour of a new possibility? What then? What if the detour leads to a bigger Highway? What if I’ve been on the Highway of Where I’ve Always Been and What I’ve Always Done, and the detour will lead me smack to the Highway of Love?

Well, how’s this for a job description: Adventurer!

Lots of men and women are making thrilling, actual lives out there being Indiana Jones – finding lost civilizations, solving ancient riddles, leading teams through the jungles of the world.

Everyone has a different tolerance for risk and a different idea of what’s in the pot of gold at the end of the Quest, and some of us quake at even the thought of stepping a foot into the unknown.

So many of us are traveling up and down a dead end wash we call “love” in the middle of something we only know of as “familiarity.”

Sometimes we ride it in souped-up all-terrain vehicles, and sometimes we crawl along it, but we hardly ever fly over it, and actually see, with our own eyes, that it’s been a dead-end all along.

So, what if the Highway of Love is truly a super-highway leading to…who knows where?

And, what if it’s really not all that hard to navigate? What if the only problem with it is it’s just not a dead-end wash? What if the only hard thing about it is it’s not “familiar”?

So I bless the psychic. Not for giving me a clue to what’s next, but for giving me a clue to my fear. Perhaps the 405 isn’t all there is.

Now I have to deal with myself. If I’m so afraid of detours, how will I handle the Highway of Love when I’m on it? Will I run back to my dead-end? Will I swear off detours? Will I swear off possibilities? Will I choose “Familiar” over “Better”?

Will I choose “Safely Stuck” over “Scary What I Really Want”?

Will I stay in worry and doubt and fear and not leave my house, or will I move out and about with abandon? Will I keep my eyes open for danger, or will I allow in possibilities?

The choice is mine. The choice is yours.

Try this way of choosing:

When you find yourself stuck, or afraid, ask yourself what road you’re on.

You may answer – I’m in love! I couldn’t be happier! Or I’m safe and fine, I don’t need a relationship, I don’t need someone else to love me, I love myself just plenty. Or I don’t have time for all this. I’m busy, I’m tooling down my road just fine, and, Rori, what do you know about it anyway?

Okay, so you know what’s up. You’ve made your choice, and it feels good, and here you are, and you’re right – you don’t need me.

And if you answer I’m tired of the same-old-same-old. I’m tired of the souped-up cars and the dry runs and the circles, then, maybe, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain by choosing “Better” and “Scary What I Really Want” rather than “Safe” and “Familiar.”

So, put on your new hat. The one marked “Adventurer!”

Imagine that your emotions, your instincts, your heart rhythms, are a beautiful, powerful Horse you can ride across the landscape of your life. Your Horse knows the way, clean and clear, to where you want to go. And if you should ever steer it wrong, it knows the way back.

Now, sit your Horse tall and proud. You are about to let the whole world see you shake from fear, thrill from excitement, breathe hard from anticipation, tense up from the knot in your throat and shimmer from the hope in your eyes.

You are about to let go. The Horse of your emotions, your instincts, your connection to life, your heart, is feeling feisty. You’re about to let your Horse run free.

Imagine doing it. Imagine tolerating the fear, the excitement, the heavy breathing, the tension, the shimmer. Imagine riding the Horse somewhere new and feeling everything you’re feeling.

Believe that anytime you want, you can stop. Yes, you can stop. You can say No, turn back, go forward, take a rest. You can. You can say No when it doesn’t feel right, and you can say Yes when it feels right.

Sometimes it can feel right, but it’s just a little (okay, a lot) scary. Don’t let that stop you! Fear feels way different when you’re out there riding the Horse than it does when you’re stuck stock still. Fear is many things, and it wears many faces, and we build all kinds of defenses on top of it to pretend it isn’t there or hide it away, or fight it.

If you don’t believe Adventurers feel fear, you’ve been sitting in the safe dead-end too long. Fear is part of the Highway of Love. Bring yours along with you for the ride. Soon, it’ll get tired and old, and you’ll be too busy having fun to even notice if it’s there or not.

So, wear your Adventurer hat (yes, you have one!), take along all your baggage, and imagine the exhilaration of having what you want.

Then, kiss your Horse, and let it take you somewhere new – to the Highway of Love.

Love, Rori

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Rori Raye

11 Comments

  1. Cindy on January 17, 2013 at 10:26 am

    Thank you,,,,very much,,,I’m taking care of my parents one with Alzheimer another with dementia, I have my hands full. Im not real healthy either I’ve got MD a form and leukemia also my son just moved home again. You know I don’t think I have ever been in LOVE,,,,Not my ex husband and now with. Alex its not love yet but I don’t want to loose what we started.



  2. Rori Raye on January 18, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Cindy – Welcome (I’ve deleted your last name for your privacy) – Caretaking is unimaginably difficult, and with your own health problems – I cannot say enough how much I admire your will to do what you do, and for asking here for help. My first thought is to send you to my active blog: http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com. There’s a BIG community there, and I KNOW you’ll get help from everyone there if you participate. Also, inparticular – Brenda (BeLoved) is a very unusual person with an unusual life and may have lots of advice and support for you. My personal request to you is that you think about how you could arrange your life logistically so that you have more time for yourself, to help yourself heal. There are many, many wonderful places your parents could be living where they would get great care and you would pay next to nothing (depending on the state of USA you live in) – where your responsibility would be less so you could focus on your own health more. Your son – instead of you taking care of HIM – should be taking care of YOU – in as many ways as he can – so please consider giving up your nurturing side just a bit and RECEIVE some love and care from yourself and everyone else.

    There are many men who like this nurturing role, and would enjoy being with you as you work to heal yourself. As you feel more in control of your time and your emotional state – you will find yourself more emotionally available to Alex, and whatever men you meet. Love, Rori



  3. Isabel on January 28, 2013 at 3:40 am

    Hi Rory and thanks for always giving us your love and support!
    I met this man 7 months ago and we felt a conection riight away, specially at the emotional level.
    We have been together since then and always have been apart for 2 or 3 weeks in the whole length of the relationship. Intimacy is good, sex is great and he’s affectioned and sweet.
    He asked me to married me one week after we met and I know he loves me and he told me he doesn’t wang to be without me, that he would be lost if am not by his side. All this is find but there is something that’s not making me feel well and some times I think I should just break up with him.
    The problem is that he’s a very selfish and individualist guy, he doesn’t like to GIVE much to a woman or DO things for her and I know many of his relationships ended because of that. I don’t feel protected by him, he doesn’t make me feel secure, am used to guys that walk the extra mile for you and that they are always willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy but he is not like that, I have this ugly feeling that am on my own all the time and that’s not the kind of feeling a woman wants to get from his man.
    He is the “do it yourself” kind of guy. Also he is cheap with his money and even though he is in a good financial position it is a nightmare to go to the supermarket with him
    or to a restaurant for dinner because he is always counting the pennies and we have had many fights because of it, without mention how all this kills the fun we should be having.
    Please help me Rory, he is not a bad guy and I love him but I don’t know what to do anymore.
    Thanks!



  4. Rori Raye on February 4, 2013 at 9:42 am

    Isabel, There’s always some trade off with a man, there’s always some point where there isn’t a match. Before you give up – how about you have an actual “negotiation” around this instead of a “fight”?

    You could start by saying it feels bad to argue about money – and that you love him and feel great with him, and you’re feeling concerned that there’s a huge difference between you around “generosity” and “spirituality” and the give and take of a relationship, and would he be willing to talk and negotiate.” – I’d also get to a computer together and look up the “Five Love Languages” – and take the small test – see what HE is, and let him see what YOU are. It would help him so much to have an idea of what you REQUIRE!

    Love, Rori



  5. Sanjida on March 13, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    Hi Rori,
    I have been in a relationship for nearly 6 years now. He is good guy, he has a lot of great qualities and I love him very much. I know he loves me too. But the main problem is we haven’t moved forward in the relatioship, we still live separately, I only see him 3 times a week. No matter how many millions of times, I have told him I want to be married and live together, it hasn’t happened. He has an apartment where his stuff is all over the place and when I used to go there, I used to bitch and whine about his place non stop, so he told me I am not allowed to go there anymore. He comes to my place every week. He says he has been cleaning but I feel like he is stuck somewhere mentally because nobody needs so many years to clean a place. I have not been to his place for 2 years now.

    Another big thing is that I don’t have any faith in him that he is actually going to move to the next stage of our relationship. I have even borken up with him couple of times; only to take him back when he came back (he came back immeidately, he never truly lets me go, he starts texting and calling me as soon as I say leave I don’t want to see you anymore) and yet no ring on my finger. I tend to obsess over the relationship and keep thinking in my head he is never going to step up to the plate because so far I haven’t seen any action from him in that directtion. When I ask him, he basically shuts down and I never get any straight answer.

    I trully love him and he loves me and he is a real decent guy. BUT, not being married is not an option for me. I am 40, he is 45, I can’t wait any longer. Is there anything I can do to make him commit instead of figting wit him every couple of weeks (which gets me nowhere) or should I just end it because sometimes it feels torturous to stay in this limbo status and not knowing if this would ever change?

    Interestingly though, he has recently started contributing financially in my life (without my asking him). We are both financially stable and have professional jobs, I don’t need his money but in the last few months, he had helped pay my bills here and there. Bought me household items e.g, if I saw something in the store etc and he was there with me, he would buy it for me. These have all been random things, but what I am trying to point out is before recently he never got involed in my finacial life, besides paying for dinner and buying me birthday and Christmas presents and such. To me that shows his improved commitment (but maybe I am thinking again…lol and trying to justify his buying me a Knives set and frying pan as commitment…:-). What should I do now? Stay with him or break up? I need your help please…..thank you so much!!



  6. Rori Raye on March 18, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Sanjida – There are 2 ways to go about this – and both might be helped with some private coaching – and definitely with the ebook and programs.
    1 – slowly move him over to your apartment. Offer him a drawer, space in the closet – and this is important: You have to make peace with his slobbiness. You CANNOT run him down for ANYTHING!!!! Get a maid to pick up every week, and until she comes, just walk over his stuff, push it aside, or clean it yourself WITHOUT even mentioning it! If you can’t accept him, you can’t be married to him. if he’s a mess, or a hoarder, you can’t change him. Don’t try.

    2. Tell him you’ll continue to date him, and that he can’t have you all to himself until he marries you. Period. Then you start Circular Dating no matter how much he bitches and moans – and you continue to sleep with him, have a great time with him, and slowly move him into your apartment – BUT you go out with friends, meet new men (not online) – go out for coffee dates and walking dates…and just have fun without him.

    You can try #1 for, let’s say – 2 months, and then move to #2 – but none of this will work unless you get a handle on your distaste for his habits.

    I like this post so much – I’m going to move it over to the http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com blog! Love, Rori



  7. BringMeToLife on March 26, 2013 at 1:42 am

    Awesome, I love it!!



  8. Loraine on March 27, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    Hi Lori,

    I have read this and understand that there are many different ways of finding true love. But it is different in our relationship with my husband. I need your help on this please. My husband i know that he is a good man and all but there is thing that i think he is really weak when comes to woman that the saying that’s he’s weakness. Ok our relationship is good, but there are times when i found out or have feelings that i know that he is having an affair cause i always have that chance where i want to use his phone and find numbers that i know that im not familiar with. I know one night that i found out that number that call late night he call again that next day n have talk more on the phone with it. that’s how i always have those feelings that i know that he is having an affair. He once told me that he does not want to walk around and people are saying to stuff to him about me, and now what i know for a fact that if that lady see me she is saying ok yeah she is there not knowing that her husband kept calling me poor thing, things like that that lady will be saying to me when i walk around. Please Rori i need your help tell me what i can do to him to stop his affairs, i want to be that woman that change him not to having an affair cause that is what happen to his first marriage, the ex wife left him cause of his affairs that he was having. i want to be that woman that he married to make his life change.



  9. Loraine on March 27, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    Sorry Rori, to add to my comment above as of now ever since i found out that he is doing this to me i started ignoring him of what he wants and what he wants to do. it hurts me a lot cause what he says that he does not want people to talk about him when he walks around but now he is doing it to me. But please i need your help on this.

    Thanks Rori,



  10. Sanjida on March 29, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    Hi Rori,

    I joined your teleclass on Wednesday and thought it was great. You have answered one of my questions on the call, I don’t know if you remember. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

    I actually had sent the following question prior to the teleclass but you must not have gotten it. So, I am posting it here. This is in response to your reply above.

    I had written to you last week and you responded to my post. First of all I want to thank you sooo much for responding to my post. I have your ebook, Love Script for Relationship and the Commitment Blueprint already and just bought the love forever program. I Iove your point of view and have been trying to follow your advice in your programs but have to say I have failed in following them. I retreat back to my old habits too often.

    Anyway, in my previous post I have forgotten to mention the fact that he was married before and it didn’t go over that well (clearly lol, he is divorced but it’s been a long time and he is in good terms with his ex wife).

    On a side note, want to mention that when I bring up this issue, I get really angry and frustrated and say a lot of negative things. Eg, if he says it will happen, I say things like, “you are a liar, you just want to say anything to shut me up and I know you will never do it etc” and he has said to me “why do you have the worst expectation of me?” And I say, “because you have never kept your word when it came to this subject”. Anyway, my point of telling you this is to show what I might have done to damage the circumstances, because I have a lot of negative thoughts constantly going through my head and I don’t have any faith.

    Although I love your suggestions, I do have couple of concerns regarding them:

    Regarding #1
    I have already tried that, I actually have a few drawers for him at my home and the only thing he has in there is couple of pairs of socks and T-shirts. It never grew to anything substantial. Maybe because when I got mad at him and threw him out (broke up with him couple of times already), I also packed his few belongings and gave it to him, so now he doesn’t bring new items anymore. So, maybe I blew that chance lol?

    Regarding #2)

    I feel like if I tell him he can’t have me all to himself, he will not accept it and get really jealous and may just leave. However, I can definitely circular date without telling him because we see each other only 3 nights a week. Do you think that will help? What would circular dating actually do? I am not looking to sleep with anyone besides him.

    Any advice you can give me I would really really appreciate it!! Thanks again…….

    Sanjida

    P.S. I already have your ebook, Lovescript for relationship and also the Commitment Blueprint. I have been trying to circular date and use the feeling message a little bit. Its hard to find people and also use the feeling message because a lot of times it just sounds odd. I am still trying to use at least a couple of those each day…. Also, as you told me to work on my anger, I have been conciously trying to catch when I am feeling angry and stop myself. Its only been 2 days though…lol.



  11. Christine Shuster on January 22, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    Hi. I so look forward to your e-mails and have learned so much from them. Just wanted you to know. Thank you and keep up the good work. Christine