The Old Casting Couch Trick – Did You Fall For It? How You Can Learn To Wield POWER!

In the midst of “me-too” – where all men are suspect for even looking at us like they “want something” – it’s important for us to know that just because it seems like a man has power over us (in work, especially, or in status, or in our community – this goes on SO much of the time!) – the first order of business for us is to NOTICE what’s going on and correctly identify it.

The second order of business for us is to STAY with ourselves as we tune into our very real “power,” and then use our power to feel our way through the moment.

To have enough “practice” wielding our power to know, from habit, exactly what to do and say to express ourselves in the most complete, true, and accessible way that will, as a bonus, get us the result WE want from this moment.

And, believe it or not – the most powerful thing you OWN, as a woman, is your vulnerability.  Your emotion.

If you saw the movie Wonder Woman and loved it – you could FEEL how her emotion, her goodness and love were her biggest strength.

And if you just saw the movie Captain Marvel, and loved that, too (I did) – you heard a male character talk about “succeeding by keeping emotions in check” (what we’ve ALWAYS heard!) – and then saw how that’s just blather, and how Captain Marvel’s strength IS her fury, determination, anger, love, desire – emotion!

Here’s a letter from Robin that had me smiling, because I remember how, in my actress days – I used to fall for this “trick” all the time. Only, reading Robin’s letter just now, I realize I wasn’t “falling for” anything…and there was no trick at all…

Some of the time it was the “casting couch” thing…(and this is a VERY BIG DEAL, so if this is something you’re dealing with right now – please write to me!) – yet, MOST of the time it was just a guy trying to get to me through his best offering!

I don’t know which this guy in Robin’s letter is…but I’m all for giving him a chance…:

The Question:

“Rori, I had a very interesting experience today with Circular Dating. I was introduced to a guy at my church today, he’s a photographer, we started talking, he asked me to lunch, I said sure.

He started going over prices with me for a portfolio, which was fine, asked if I wanted to set up a time to do the shots, but I said no. He asked if I wanted to do a couple of test shots, which I said ok to, but it was at that point that I started to feel weird…

But I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I was feeling weird about…

We shot on a main street close to his home (he had to get his camera, which logically made sense, but it just FELT weird). We were shooting photos, I had to use the bathroom, so that meant going into his house…

It felt ok, but I just felt a little weird being there, and I asked myself why am I here? and the answer was, I wanted to be there, I wanted to be a part of these photos.

I suddenly didn’t feel weird about being there, it felt lost in the moment, and it felt great. It felt good, until I leaned on a post, slipped, and fell backwards onto my back…OUCH!!!!!!!!!  He ran over and got me, and that was pretty much the end of the photos….I needed to sit down, so that meant going into his house AGAIN…

So we looked at the photos, I picked the ones I wanted, and suddenly realized I had spent several hours with this guy (that I only met today) and that THAT felt bad, so I said I needed to go.

As I’m getting up, he makes his move, and asks me if I’m seeing anyone. I told him, yes a couple, and he says “..No, I mean that you’re dating…” and I told him again “yes a couple….” He then kissed me, and I didn’t stop him. It didn’t feel like much of anything, though, and when it felt uncomfortable I stopped him and left. He told me “you need pictures, and I’ve thought you were adorable since I first saw you….”

So maybe THAT was what I was feeling that made me feel weird, that he was giving to get something in return, which ok, whatever…

But more likely, it would have just felt better for me to say, “you know it would feel great to do some test shots, but I would feel more comfortable shooting here, or there..” or “you know it would feel good to see you, but I don’t feel comfortable with this right now, I just met you…”

I dunno, I felt bad for a little while, but I can feel it turning around… Robin”

If you’re having any experiences like Robin, where you’re feeling so confused about a guy’s motives, where you are in the dating and relationship “rulebook,” what the “meaning” is of what’s happening around you, and even what you’re actually feeling…Siren Circle is your answer.

* If you’re feeling jealous of another woman, and yet find yourself second-guessing yourself about what’s really going on with a man and that woman – or ANY woman he’s around at work…;

* If you’ve endured any kind of infidelity and don’t know how to recover, or feel so confused about still wanting the relationship with this man to continue;

* If you can’t get interested in any man you meet or date;

* If there’s no follow up call or second date coming from a man you ARE interested in;

* If the man you love is drifting away or even abruptly leaving, and you want him back;

* If your confidence has taken such a nosedive from whatever’s going on in your love and work life;

Siren Circle can  help you “fix” these things!

I realize that’s a big claim – yet, these things are fixable.

All of these situations we women find ourselves in are because of one thing: We’ve all been taught (badly) to honor certain feelings, needs and thoughts over other of our feelings, needs and thoughts.

And these thoughts, feelings and needs we tend to honor above what feels “good” to us all have to do with feelings, needs and thoughts that revolve around powerlessness, helplessness, safety, fear, and – most important – what people THINK OF US.

We have been “talked down” from feeling powerful. 

This is because no one in authority – not parents, schoolteachers, bosses – ever want “unruly” (uncontrollable) people around.

So many creative thinkers, brilliant artists, original personalities have been coralled into tight corners from childhood because some others in positions of power feel “not okay” around brilliance and creativity and “difference.”

This is automatically us women, because we are…women.

The thing is, we’re not children any more. We feel like a child, all of us, the moment we get “triggered” back to what held us back long ago – yet, we have way more power than we had as a child.

And good men have been drawn into this mess up – not knowing exactly how to behave, what to say…and so tend to “back off” when they feel confused. THEY go back to feeling like a child, too.

What needs to happen in this world right now is that we women have to begin to “give direction.” We, who possess the origin of everything in emotion and creation, need to begin wielding power and laying out what’s needed.

AND – we cannot be heard at all if we give in to the belief that as we do this – we have to do it “like a man would do it.”

Join Siren Circle and claim your power, learn “Scripts” for your unique situation that will WORK with any man because you’ll be saying the TRUTH in a way he can not only “hear” – he’ll WANT to comply with! Learn To Bring Him In->

https://coachrori.com/siren-school-siren-circle/

Robin – call me crazy – but I LIKE this guy!

He came up with a wonderfully old-fashioned first date! He invited you to lunch. That was a date. Then he said he wanted to shoot pictures of you. That was a date. He had something interesting to offer – photos of you – for FREE!! – to entice you to see him.

He got you to his house — OKAY – that was the tweak here, because you weren’t hip to the fact that this was a DATE!! – and so instead of waiting, and talking about it as a date, and picking something less INVESTED, you went to his house…and it all seemed like a strategy on his part – which it WAS!!! And a GOOD one, too – it worked!!

I think what happened here is that you wanted the free photos, and lost sight of the date part – and that confused you.

And this is the part I identified with, from my old days of having an “agenda” – whether it was to get an interview, an audition, a part in my actress/singer/dancer days (I have lovely stories of those, and perhaps you have them, too…) – or to get the man himself.

Either way – I was completely blinded to what the man in front of me was ACTUALLY offering. What it was he ACTUALLY wanted from me.

It’s not always giving to get. Sometimes – in fact MOST of the time – for a good man – GIVING is what he WANTS to do. The thing that BUYS him your attention.

And I’m here to say that’s a GOOD thing.

He’s not always bartering services for sex.

* Sometimes he’s showing you he’s got something to offer.

* Sometimes he’s being creative.

* Sometimes he’s trying to show you POWER – so that you’ll be attracted to him.

* Sometimes he’s making up for his lack of social confidence by using his PROFESSIONAL confidence.

Who knows?

Just remember – YOU’RE in charge, here.

The reason we feel weird is because we’re not quite sure what it is WE wanted out of the deal.

Professional is when you pay someone. That’s it.

If no money changes hands – there’s something else going on.

If it’s a friend – well, then you know what’s happening – it’s friendship.

If it’s someone you hardly know – well – then…what’s up with that?

Next time, look for a man who’s leaning forward, holding out his hand, inviting you, offering things to you. That’s the kind of man you WANT.

Now – look to YOURSELF to write the rules of how you’re going to handle this. One step at a time.

Give yourself a chance. Give a man a chance. Trust yourself. Get some experience. Try some things. Follow your feelings. Look for the lesson instead of beating yourself up for the “mistake” which may not even be a “mistake” at all. There’s something in everything.

To me, this is just about EXPERIENCE.

You need to date so much that you get the feeling of what’s going on…and what doesn’t work out…like this one –is just a lesson. I’m not sure why you don’t like him…or didn’t feel anything.

But it seems to me this is a great place to start getting to know someone. See him, let him call and take you to lunch again, or a walk is even better….and TALK about this.

Share with him just like you did here with us…and see how deep you can get into conversation with him.. Go Robin!! (And if you’re really sure he’s not for you – apart from your part of this thing going weird – okay…but try to give him a chance in less intense circumstances, okay?

The newest session of Siren Circle (the others are FULL!) is coming up next week – so be sure to get your space (we only have room for a few more women in the morning and evening classes – your choice!) here->

Love, Rori

PS: You can use the buttons on the Siren Circle page to go right to the order form – and gamble $249 for a whole month of great, live, personal coaching, PLUS, get coached on the Siren Island Facebook group! AND – if you want to ask me questions about Siren Circle directly, and how it might help y9ou in your unique situation, just hit “reply” to this letter and write to me!

I and the amazing Siren Circle coaches look forward to knowing you and helping you “fix” whatever’s going on for you right now that you want to change!

Love, Rori

 

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Rori Raye