When you’re feeling anxious – your body is telling you a lot.
The question to ask yourself is – What am I most afraid of right now?
Often, it feels like sheer survival is in question. Like something is going to completely go south – because you said something or did something that triggered your fear of displeasing somebody…
And – even deeper, it’s different for everyone.
Are you afraid that you DID say the “truth” – or that you didn’t?
Are you feeling guilty, terrified of consequences – or, are you just afraid that you’ve finally let the cat out of the bag, and finally spoke up about what you truly feel and what you need?
Nearly everything is fixable!
Nearly everything is going to be “smoothed over” – but nearly everything IS “solveable”!
The secret is in simply NOT doing the “fix” immediately, and, instead, settling back into what you REALLY feel, what you REALLY want, and how you might truly EXPRESS that in a way a man (or a boss, or a friend or a child) can hear and respond enthusiastically to!
I just got done talking with coach Mariah Grey about self love and how easy it is to shut down or go into a constricted space when you’ve done something that you think is dangerous to your wellbeing or something you think will upset someone else.
Those experiences make you feel like you have to do something, you have to force something to happen, you have to fix something really quickly.
This drives us to text and to call and to get out and touch.
We have to fix it because we’re afraid something bad has happened.
We can’t be relaxed, and we can’t just be with ourselves.
When something’s gone wrong, it’s really hard to move away from exerting pressure and into loving ourselves and being relaxed and easy and soft.
Mariah gave all kinds of ideas that she uses.
You should watch the video with her.
I wanted to add to it from my own experience.
It is so easy to ignore all the magnificence and beauty around us, everything that is in this life, in this world, outside our window.
It’s easy to focus on the turmoil that’s going on inside, focus on the bad feelings, the fear, the things that need to be fixed.
I know from my own experience: when all that worry is going on within me, I don’t really feel much like switching out of it to feel free and alive and loving about my life.
I want to stay glued to the miserable feeling inside me.
What I found helps me move from that really stuck place into appreciation is the outdoors, nature, or my husband touching me.
But, those things can either impact me or not.
I have to let them impact me.
So, I picture this crack in my armor, this little open door, this little breeze coming through.
Then, I start feeling a little trust in the other person.
I start to trust the other person to fix their own situation and to let me know and to be a decent human.
Then, I feel this little breath that says I am okay.
I can be okay with this. There’s so much love that I can give.
I start taking care of my daughter and all those little cracks and openings change in the atmosphere inside of myself.
And I just let those changes percolate.
I just let those flow.
I look outside my window. So beautiful.
Sometimes that little crack needs to be opened, that little door needs to be pushed ajar.
I need to let myself sneak out and experience something else so that the glue doesn’t harden on those icky feelings, so that I can see something else.
Crack the door, open up a little bit.
Let a little bit of the breeze come into your life, breathe it in, just be aware of it and see if that opens the door for you.
See if that breaks open the glue that’s sticking you into an icky feeling, and let me know how that works for you.