You Don’t Have To Leave – How Siren Live Coaching Found Jane Another Way

rori-modern-siren-opt

Jane loved a man named Jim, who was really happy with the way things were.

"Leave things the way they are..." was his message...only things were going nowhere for Jane.

They had separate houses for over three years, he didn’t seem interested in marriage, he was loosey-goosey with their dating and how often they saw each other - and after she'd tried everything she knew, everything her friends told her - she came to Siren Island for coaching.

What she'd expected from the Siren Island coaches was what she'd pretty much heard from everyone else: Leave him. But...

Leave Him

Everyone she'd talked to before told her she should leave this man - because, well, it's the obvious advice, isn't it?

All her girlfriends (and even a therapist and a coach) told her to "leave him" (though some told her to "be super nice and just go along with him until he makes up his mind...").

The options seem to make sense.  Just "go." Or stay and try extra hard to keep things the way they are.

Only thing is - Jane didn't WANT to "go,"
and she was miserable with the way things "were."

She wanted to "work it out," to "see it through," "to make it BETTER!" - and she just KNEW there was some way to get the relationship into forward gear.

When a man is slow or stuck (this does NOT include an abusive man - RUN, please, from that!), most "experts" will council to either "Get angry with him, make demands, tell him what a jerk he is, and if he doesn't shape up - just leave and learn to enjoy being alone." Or "Be really nice and sweet, and just go along with whatever he says." Basically "go or stay."

Hardly what Jane, or you or I want to hear. And no one wants to learn how to "love being alone."

And On Siren Island

Right off the bat, the difference between how the Rori Raye Coaching Method works and everything else Jane'd heard was totally obvious - and it nearly made Jane laugh in the middle of all her pain.

On Siren Island, Jane learned that she didn't have to stay or go. Instead, she found a "Third Way" of being with Jim, using principles that seem at opposite poles: "Warmth" and "Distance."

She didn't have to make ANY either/or choices.

  • She didn't have to see things in black or white.
  • She didn't have to stay or go, and she didn’t have to either blast him by telling him what he was doing wrong, or be completely doormat-like and ignore her own needs.

This meant that she learned to find the distance from Jim - physically, intellectually, emotionally and psychologically -  where she felt able to stay completely open to him NO MATTER WHAT.

No matter what was going on, what he said or did or what he once said or did.

No matter what, she became able to "unzip" her heart, feel all her feelings - anger, joy, love, fear, all of it - and stay open to him.

So - what did this change in attitude get Jane?

* All of a sudden, Jim was under less pressure from her .

* He started to trust that Jane wasn't going to "surround" him emotionally, or expect a closeness he didn't "think" he was ready for. AND - with the sudden change in their dynamic - he instinctively started to move closer to her.

*All of a sudden he felt the room and space to realize that Jane wasn't hovering or standing close - and so HE closed the gap.

*He became curious.

*What he expected with this new "distance" was that Jane would be closed to him. He expected "cold and resentful." He expected her to shut him out. He totally expected her to not trust him on any level.

*Instead, when his curiosity brought him in closer to Jane - both physically and emotionally - what he found was a warm, open, vulnerable Jane with feelings.

What he found was an emotional woman - angry, yes - but what he heard were words that said exactly what Jane was feeling, WITHOUT making him out to be the "bully."

In fact, she wasn't blaming him for anything at all.

Jim was so eager to accept that things had changed with Jane, and that he wasn't going to be "made out the bad guy" and constantly disappoint her -  his own shut-down and withdrawn behavior suddenly stopped.

So, what did Jane do?

Jane learned, by being encouraged to say what she would normally say to Jim - and also say what she was truly feeling - to "Script" herself.

Scripting gave her the words to say directly to Jim. Only, instead of the words she'd always used before -  ones that fell on deaf ears and stated arguments - these new words had a different result.

Shockingly, Jim could HEAR these words. And he didn't get defensive or snap back at her. Instead, he actually stepped closer to her and was interested in what she was saying.

Even better - Jane, for the first time - felt like she could now express herself completely.  She actually was able to get out what she was feeling, instead of going off into a corner and building resentment and closing down.

And once she got over the fear of saying some pretty deep emotional things, just by doing it over and over, a little at a time, she started to feel liberated and bold - something she'd never felt before!

Then Jane learned to "Settle Him In."

She Jane slowly followed the Siren Island coaches' instructions (and mine, because I'm on the Island nearly every day), and settled Jim into her house without his even noticing!

At the same time, while Jane was settling him into HER home, with all the support from her new friends on the island, Jane settled herself into HIS his house, too!

Then - Jim noticed her Settling into his home.

He was fine and oblivious about settling into HER home (it was convenient), yet Jane could feel moments of tension as she made herself comfortable in HIS home.

Still, Jane was prepared - she'd learned to look for "The Balk."

Jane was prepared with "Feeling Speeches" if Jim should back away, say he needed space, or that he wasn't ready for a commitment or to live together, or complain that her toiletries were now in his bathroom, her clothes in his closet.

How Jane Stayed Cool

She never took one step forward without feeling good about where she was - most importantly feeling prepared to be open and vulnerable no matter what. And she had constant contact and support with the Siren Island coaches, every step of the way.

Jane was amazed - yet Jim never DID "balk!"

He just let it all happen - because, deep down, it was what he wanted, too, and because Jane made him feel SO GOOD!

As Jane started feeling easier and softer, he just naturally came closer…

And the closer he came, the more confident she felt.

As she felt more confident, her "vibe" became easier, sweeter and sexier.

She found interesting things to do: art, dance, an improv class...things she hadn’t really allowed herself the time to get involved in before.

And What Did Jim Do?

All of a sudden, Jane was interesting. She now had exotic experiences in dance class and on an improv stage to talk about, and Jim had to up his game to get her attention.

He never felt like he had to "hang around" or "entertain" her - instead, he felt fascinated and inspired by her vibrant life.

He just got used to the idea of being together. Instead of feeling surrounded and cramped, like he was in danger of losing his "space," he felt better than before.

He was having more fun, he started to really like her being around.

They got engaged, and they got married!

And all this happened really fast.

If you follow the Siren Steps, they work. On Siren Island, you learn to use these Steps
baby-step-by-baby-step."

Instead of general advice and ideas - Jane actually got WORDS.

She wrote down the Scripts the coaches gave her, and it made her feel confident just to know what to say to Jim instead of falling back on the old words of frustration and blame that had pushed Jim away.

Most important for Jane - she got a new definition of "feminine."

Instead of always finding herself in her masculine "head," trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it - she was learning to live in her feminine feelings.

As Jane gained confidence and began to trust her feelings as her guide, Jim began to relax around her more and more.

Now, there was no more reason to think about "leaving," and "staying" was better than she'd imagined possible.

Would You Like The Same Help As Jane?

18 Comments

  1. Joan Cash on November 22, 2018 at 11:53 am

    I challenge the idea that it’s that easy because once you expand and grow as an individual your needs in a partner also expand and grow. Your interests change, your confidence grows and the experiences change YOU. You are no longer happy with what you were or had. Sometimes it’s better to seek a partner that’s an equal intellectually and grow and redefine the relationship together. Thank you.



  2. Rori Raye on December 22, 2018 at 10:57 am

    Joan, thank you for your brilliant input. YES! And this is the IDEA! The one thing you miss here, for me, is that – what if YOU grow because you learn new ways to express yourself that change you from the inside out as well as the outside in – and, as a direct result – HE changes, also?! In other words – if a man is “able” to shift -he will shift right along with you. He won’t be able to help it. And if he is Not able, you’ll know it in your gut in a different way – you will feel BORED. You will no longer want to be with him.

    AND – in my experience, no woman who wants a man can be mentally or intellectually convinced to leave him because he’s “not enough for her.” We all have to discover this for ourselves, because it’s our EMOTIONS that carry everything out. If you love a man, I say use the experience to grow yourself. And – let’s see what he does!



  3. jessy on December 25, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    I like this feeling that its more positive to put ur energy into urself and u dont have to break up or do anything to start…u just work at ur own happiness and forget anything about tryin to be a better girlfriend or better cook or more sexy or more better in bed…u take the focus off him and back on u!!



  4. Jenny on September 12, 2019 at 12:58 pm

    Rori, I am an avid watcher of your downloads and have many questions but in particular with this letter to you, how do you become passionate and interesting and do cool things when your a mom to three little kids?? I am your classic, boring, overfunctioning divorced mom of three now living with my “soul mate” who was crazy about me in the beginning but is now losing interest as he starts the career of his dreams and I well…. am just here being consistent and available lolol. 🙂



  5. jessy1001 on December 11, 2019 at 10:03 pm

    hi everyone
    I have finished a 5 year relationship…we broke up now and i recently found out my ex has a brain tumour behind his eye
    and is having serious health problems….I feel very bad for him but recently i also found out i feel very bad for me too. I was a palliative care nurse for many years and spent so many hours and days holding and comforting and loving people on the brink of death, i have seen 18 year olds over dose in my arms helplessly, held the mother of a child born still, i have seen some of the most crazy things in my life and had the privledge to care and love people as they cross from this life to the next which i have to say only takes the power of the supernatural. However. I feel sorry for myself. Because I just cant bury this one. I dont want to. I dont want to sit beside him and close that door with him. I dont know why. I should be there. I should be the one to comfort him because this is something i could do for him and especially because his family are terrible cold people…i think his mother is an actual sicko and was accused of slashing the face of a worker in her house in a fit of rage..all such terrible things to find out about the man u love…that the one who nurtured him was incapable of love and compassion.

    anyway.
    i am struggling so much with this.
    I want to be everyones hero.
    but i cant.
    I want a hero.
    I want someone who loves me first
    and then if i help him pass through illnesses its because i want this seat
    not because im just the best man for the job.
    i feel open
    and very lost
    and complicated
    i feel like a worker for god sometimes
    but a failure also
    i have a huge heart for all the workers like me that cannot describe how this type of work (i did palliative care for 24 years)
    changes u inside
    its very hard not to stop sometimes and see the power of life and death
    its hard not to stop trying to heal others and
    try to heal myself.
    i was a lost child.
    i left home at 14 because my mom thought i was having sex with a neighbor kid
    but mom i didnt even know what that was
    i couldnt confess because i didnt know what sex was
    i couldnt stay with u mom because i thought u wouldnt stop ur husband from murdering me
    i escaped trauma
    and i spent years holding this inside
    and im finished now
    i didnt deserve this pathway
    and i think
    i think slow
    that im done helping
    and i want to love me
    even my incapacity
    even my shortfalls
    even the worst of myself inside
    if u think thats ok out there….plz be gentle and let me know



  6. Kim on December 19, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    Hello! I just purchased all your programs and I am eager to learn. I’m currently dating a man where there hasn’t been any progression. My therapist advises communicating my standards (i.e., “I want to be exclusive”). I’m not too happy with the fact that all the progression (if any) in the relationship has been coming from me. I’ve been frustrated and ready to try another way. But so far, the concepts in the programs have been kind of confusing to me (express your feelings but don’t surround him emotionally, or take a step back and be inviting when he comes to you but don’t be a doormat, to me that sounds as if I’m being a doormat and accepting crumbs). Will the siren coaching provide support to help clarify the confusing concepts of the programs?



  7. Rori Raye on January 4, 2020 at 10:42 am

    Kim – you don’t WANT to be exclusive!!! Your therapist is wrong, here, far as I’m concerned… if you don’t have the $20 Have The Relationship You Want ebook -start there – you’ll learn “Circular Dating” (it’s not about “dating”) – and the concepts need to be PRACTICED with real men -you can DO this! Start with the book, then, if you can, get some private coaching with a great coach, or get on Siren island for only $33/month and read what the coaches are doing, and get coached by them yourself!
    Here are some links: Have The Relationship You Want ebook: http://www.tkqlhce.com/click-9124858-12310125
    Siren Island (there are MATERIALS on Siren Island – make sure you read those first – and the book, too, if you can–the work we do is very “poetic” – and training YOU to speak poetically – and might be confusing – yet awesome, so take your time) – and you can try it out for 7 days for only $1 – : https://coachrori.com/lp/siren-island/
    Love, Rori



  8. Rori Raye on January 4, 2020 at 11:00 am

    Jessy – what an awesome human you are… I see that you are a healer, a hero. the question is – can you do that for everyone in your life, without getting your own needs met “first”? (The way they use the airplane metaphor, about putting your own oxygen mask on first?) Is it possible to be there for everyone in your life who is no longer wanting to “feed” you as well? I think you might get some strength from Elizabeth Gilbert, who began a romantic relationship with her female best friend, left her husband, moved in with the love of her life Rayya – and was with her non stop til her death. This is heroic, yet, this was true love. Is that what you believe is the relationship with this man and you? Or are you in some way wanting to recapture that by becoming his caregiver? I believe your words that you are simply “the best man for the job” is the right answer – because he cannot be the love of your life if he is not with you….and, truly, you are the best person for MANY jobs, many, many. Can you save the world this way? No. What’s needed is for you to get YOUR tank filled up, and then you can make decisions about where you want to send your energy and time. If you need help finding your true north here, please let me know – and perhaps just getting the ebook Have The Relationship You Want might be helpful to get you out of the masculine energy you are so drawn to living in, and rekindle your feminine energy. The difference can be quite profound inside you and in the way your life unfolds – and how you serve other people as well as yourself. Love, Rori



  9. Rori Raye on January 4, 2020 at 11:10 am

    Jenny -this is totally in my Siren Mom program – go here to get it – it will solve all your questions: http://www.jdoqocy.com/click-9124858-12461348



  10. Jessie10001 on February 25, 2020 at 7:58 pm

    hi rori
    thank you for noticing my comment earlier
    so where is the oxygen mask
    how do i shift to something else?
    when i think about being alone and just being me single for longer than a month
    I think im a loser, a failure, unlovable, unsexy (is that a word) not a reall woman…whatever that means?
    how am i so entrenched in such negatives
    thank you for being so nice
    jessy1001



  11. Rori Raye on February 26, 2020 at 10:01 am

    Jessy – you’re not “entrenched” in ANYTHING you can’t shift however you want. It sounds like you’re NOTICING – which is THE important step, here (I call it “the Catch”in my Love Forever 6 Tools) – that you’re saying icky feeling things to yourself,so- all my work is about Falling In Love with that voice inside you that’s SAYING those icky-feeling things! In other words, don’t try to get rid of her or stuff her down – LOVE her, talk to her, find out what she needs and GIVE it to her! You will be shocked at how quickly the voice turns to a purr. AND – you’l feel shocked at what happens to YOU once that “nasty voice” fades to a purr – all of a sudden, you won’t know what to do! That nasty voice has been filling a void, keeping you stable, and keeping you comfortable. Stepping out, and starting to put upbeat, good-feeling words to everything around you, to your thoughts, will feel weird at first. And – if you’re not already on Siren Island – try it out -this kind of turning thevoices around in a very poetic and emotional way is Coach Natalina’s specialty! And – how about: The oxygen mask is all around you.  All of life is the oxygen mask.  It’s always there…Love, RoriLove, Rori



  12. Nikki on March 30, 2020 at 2:16 am

    Hi, i just happened to run across this online, but i wanted to share my “experience” i have had. My husband, amazing husband, was gonna leave me at the end of december 2019, and we have split before, but i felt different this time, i was devastated, and ive never been that way before, in fact i wasnt always the best wife, i was so lost and had some serious depression for a really long time that i was unavailable to him in almost every way. I was always angry with him and im sure i made him feel he wasnt enough, but he was more than enough, i couldnt even see the amazing man i had and fully had right in front of me. But one night before he left, i just told him i didnt want him to go and how sorry i was for everything..mind you i NEVER would have even thought about risking rejection, but i had no fear being vunerable in that moment, in fact EVERYTHING i felt and loved about him came right out and he im sure was shocked, but his smile told me i was making him feel loved, wanted, and appreciated , which he rarely if ever heard me say things like i said in that moment! I was unhappy before, bc thats what i put out. i know i havent read your book, but the few things i just read at the top makes sense, but i just happened to be lucky enough to have a somewhat “awakening” i guess you could call it, i truly had it out of the blue, but i just wanted to say that the things i read up top are actually great things, bc i have lived them and now my family is being blessed with nothing but happiness in our lives right now. i also have been wondering about my life purpose lately, it all just started creeping in my mind and making me feel compelled to be the me ive always wanted to be. i just wanted to share my story bc it felt like it related a lil bit. I hope everyone is doing well and i wish everyone who reads this nothing but blessings and happiness..sheer abundance! Im sending you all so much love and great energy! I love you all, even though i dont personally know you, i really do love you! Oh, and the best part is it felt so damn good to be able to feel safe enough to even say those things. There hasnt been a day go by in the year 2020 that he hasnt had the best wife i can be and hears how much i love and appreciate him, bc he really is a catch and im so grateful to God, who im sure put that fire under me to say the things i did, so grateful that he woke me up and gave me the courage to save my marraiage and not let the fear of rejection make me not take the risk bc my marraige is thriving every since and its only getting better. i still think about the fact that i could have lost a real good man , and when i think about it i get a agony feeling in my gut for a second and it reminds me of the fact that i could have felt that for alot longer and i feel so grateful for the courage i was given that night to do something that now is so easy and effortless. im feeling so happy and truly fullfilled and cant believe i was afraid to be vunerable for all those years and bc of that fear i missed out on what could have been alot of abundance, but i still got alot more years to get better and no need to harp on the ones i lost, bc im too lucky and blessed to even harp on that.



  13. Heidi on August 7, 2020 at 9:57 am

    Hello, I’m wondering if this will work in my situation. I’ve been chatting with this man and we met online. I feel there’s connection since we chat formats over the phone. I just found out that he has a dating account and chats with other women. He use to text me cute things in the morning and evening and now it’s only good evening and call me at 10 pm everyday. He use to read my texts immediately and now he reads them a day after. Yet when we talk over the phone he is happy and sounds like the most interested man ever. He even calls me from his work. I feel sad and betrayed. I like him very much but I don’t like lies. He even told me he has been accused before or cheating but he doesn’t do that , that he is a one woman man. I feel like leaving him but I like him so much.



  14. Lili on October 18, 2020 at 8:12 am

    Hello, I have read “Jane Took To Get Jim’s Commitment” and there are some parts that I can’t solve.
    I have been fell in love with a guy online and we have been talking for almost 4 years. It was friendship at first but then, my feelings changed and I started to be jealous of him we stopped talking. A year later we started talking again. He was very busy and I thought he was lying to me even though he didn’t (i understood it later). We had the same start talking-stop talking events like 4 times but we kept talking. I finally decided to open up about how i feel towards him. He told me that he only saw me as friends but I said okay, he tried to keep talking this time. I was sure about there was something more than friends between us but it felt like he was avoiding it. I stopped talking with him again last year but we had a chat after a few months later. I asked him if he has a girlfrined and he didnt say anything. Later than, I found it out that he found one online and meet with her. But he never shares anything about her on his social media..
    He insisted being friends with me and tries to keep chatting with me.

    What should i do? We had so many common things and we even play games together. Somewhere in me, i believe he lied to me.



  15. Angelina Dominey on January 12, 2021 at 3:46 pm

    Thank you



  16. Rori Raye on January 12, 2021 at 5:16 pm

    Lili, Hi, this is Rori, and I sent your comment to Siren School Director Natalina Love to answer for you. My concern is that your either very young or very inexperienced, and don’t want to be shocking you with the information that once a man says he wants to be a “friend,” and there’s been no kissing or physical affection – to please listen to him and believe him. Talking is just talking, and everything else is imaginary until it’s physically real. Natalina will write more. Love, Rori



  17. gina harris on January 13, 2021 at 10:16 am

    Hi, Ive been involved with a guy whos 50 divorced after 30 yrs of marriage . Been with him for a year now and things with him are not changeing seems them same he wants me to move in with him,but i just found out that he has been texting any old girlfriend what should i do.thank u



  18. PRIYA KAPOOR on January 28, 2021 at 11:23 pm

    MY BF OF 8 YRS LEFT ME SUDDENLY ..WITHOUT ANY FIGHTS OR DRAMA..ITS BEEN A WEEK I HAVE CALLED EMAILED N MESSAGED HIM 10 20 TIMES BUT THERES NO RESPONSE NO CALL BACK..WHAT SHOULD I DO..THE ENTIRE JANUARY WE KEPT HAVING FIGHTS BCZ HE DIDNT GAVE ME MUCH TIME HE WAS LIVING WITH HIS FAMILY N WAS BUSY WITH HIS STUDY AND FAMILY..AND KEPT EVERY THINGS EVERY NEEDS OF OTHERS ABOVE ME..EVEN GOT PISSED OFF WHEN I USED TO CRY IN FRONT OF HIM..HE WAS ALWAYS PULLING OFF AND ALWAYS RUNNING AWAY FROM ME..FOR AN HOUR TALKED TO ME LOVINGLY THEN DISAPPEARED..OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS GREAT FOR THE FIRST 5YRS BUT AFTER THAT PAST 3YRS HAVE BEEN ME CHASING HIM FOR TIME , LOVE , EFFORTS N HE RUNNING AWAY ..I WATCHED YOU TUBE VIDEOS FOR FEMININE ENERGY BUT THINGS DONT WORK THAT SMOOTHLY WITH HIM..WHEN I GIVE HIM SPACE N TIME AWAY HE STILL NEVER CALLS..HGE HAPPILY STAYS AWAY FROM ME FOR HOURS N DAYS..N I FEEL HORRIBLE I JUST WANT HIM TO LOVE ME WANT ME N UNDERSTAND ME..BUT HE HAS SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED ..PLSS HELP ME RORI .M 22YRS OLD N HES 23